Just to close the loop on this, I manually updated raspi-config from https://archive.raspberrypi.org/debian/pool/main/r/raspi-config/raspi-config_20240228_all.deb Then I changed from wayland to X11 in the advanced settings. After that everything worked, both screen and VNC
Solved the issue by enabling Waylang in /etc/gdm3/custom.conf WaylandEnable=true
https://www.canakit.com/raspberry-pi-lcd-display-touchscreen.html?cid=usd&src=raspberrypi its $60 in stock here Although I'm not sure its unique to touchscreen since vnc doesnt work either with the pi 5
Pi 5 with official touchscreen