[Xfile-help] cret. The sacrament of God

[Grosshans <ana...@si...>]

 purest and deepest love, which helped me in all I did or said, and made
me patient and tender-hearted. And thus the period sped not unhappily
away, though I had my times of agony and despair. XXXII I became aware
at this time, very gradually and even solemnly, that some crisis of my
life was approaching. How the monition came to me I hardly know; I felt
like a man wandering in the dark, with eyes strained and hands
outstretched, who is dimly aware of some great object, tree or haystack
or house, looming up ahead of him, which he cannot directly see, but of
which he is yet conscious by the vibration of some sixth sense. The
wonder came by degrees to overshadow my thoughts with a sense of
expectant awe, and to permeate all the urgent concerns of my life with
its shadowy presence. Even the thought of Cynthia, who indeed was always
in my mind, became obscured with the dimness of this obscure
anticipation. One day Amroth stood beside me as I worked; he was very
grave and serious, but with a joyful kind of courage about him. I pushed
my books and papers away, and rose to greet him, saying
half-unconsciously, and just putting my thought into words: "So it has
come!" "Yes," said Amroth, "it has come! I have known it for some little
time, and my thought has mingled with yours. I tell you frankly that I
did not quite expect it; but one never knows here. You must come with me
at once. You are to see the last mystery; and though I am glad for your
sake that it is come, yet I tremble for you, because it is unlike any
other experience; and one can never be the same again." I felt myself
oppressed by a sudden terror of darkness, but, half to reassure myself,
I answered lightly: "But it does not seem to have affected you, Amroth!
You are always light-hearted and cheerful, and not overshadowed by any
dark or gloomy thoughts." "Yes, yes," said Amroth hurriedly. "It is easy
enough, when it is once over. Nothing that is behind one matters; but
this is a thing that one cannot jest