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I am seeing the exact same thing - except that I have two
identical Tulip 21143 cards connected to each other with a
cross-over cable. The issue is that I have to run mii-tool
-r eth1 on both machines at the same time in order to make
the cards renegotiate the link.
If I reboot one machine after a successfull link state, then
both machines fails to renegotiate the correct link state.
Even if I run "mii-tool -r eth1" on one machine then link
does not come up. I have to run the mii-tool on both machines.

I am running the linux 2.6.13 kernel with the tulip driver