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A man enters a restaurant, takes a seat, and, instead of using the napkin,
takes the table cloth from the table and tucks it around his neck.The head
waiter sees it and tells the waiter to go and tell him, in a diplomatic way,
that what he did was incorrect. The waiter goes to the man and says, "Good
day to you Sir.. Would you like a shave or a haircut?". 
A pipe burst in a lawyer's house, so he called a plumber. The plumber
arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while,
and handed the lawyer a bill for $600.The lawyer exclaimed, "This is
ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a lawyer!."The plumber quietly
replied, "Neither did I when I was a lawyer." 
My mother and I were standing at he check-out in the supermarket as the
cashier scanned the things we bought. When the price of a bottle of orange
juice was scanned as $4,, my mother said "It's only $3.95."The cashier
stopped wheat she was doing and disappeared down one of the aisles to check
the price. she soon returned and said that the price was $3.95. When she
handed my mother the change, a five cent coin rolled onto the floor. Much to
my amusement, as the cashier bent over to search for it, my mother said "Oh,
don't bother, it's only five cents." 
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