I'm really sorry that you're so upset. I think past history plays a big role in what's going on and that everyone here has a hard time getting past old resentments and grudges. That's too bad. You are all very talented, as is shown by the work you've managed to do together. Regardless of the resentments and bad feelings, you've all managed to work together as a team to produce some fine software.

When you are already angry at someone, it is easy to misinterpret an email, which lacks emotional signals like facial expression or the tone of voice. It's also easy to take exception to things that you might ignore in a face-to-face encounter. On the other side, it's easy to write insulting comments to someone you don't have to face - one of the most unfortunate side-effects of this kind of communication.

Every project leader has to be a dictator. You can't run a project as a democracy. That doesn't mean the leader should ignore the other people on the project. In fact, it's vital that he listen to their concerns and incorporate their wishes into his decisions. But in the end, one person needs to have control, or you get chaos. Because the project leader has to make decisions, he is going to make some that anger team members. He's going to make choices that some people disapprove of, because no team is ever composed of people who all think alike.

I think you've both said things in email, that you might not have said in person. I also think that you have both chosen to interpret things the worst possible light, rather than accepting the possibility that you might simply have been misunderstood. My advice is that you both should apologize for the insulting remarks, and try to clarify things that were misunderstood.

This started with a very minor issue, if you think about it. Don't let anger run your life. Don't let it take away something you love.

Eric Lavarde wrote:
Hello everybody,

I needed some time to think about it but I don't see the point of me 
spending my leasure time on FreeMind, loosing my nerves on an autocratic 
and arrogant project director.

I would ask you to remove me from the developers' mailing list. If there 
are questions, feel free to contact me directly, but there are some 
people with whom I don't need to be in the same room or on the same 
mailing list.

There were good times, I learned some things, and I don't regret the 
time involved, so thank you for this, and I wish you well,

Dan Polansky wrote:
Hello Eric,

I am unsure whether you understood what I meant when speaking of 
relationships in contrast to substance. I only meant that my mail was 
not addressing the merit of the thing but rather the relationships in 
the project. I meant that I did not discuss the version numbering 
scheme; I was discussing the way in which you have addressed your 
proposal to the team. I had found your way insolent.

I have been told that relationships should be separated from the 
technical topic, but not ignored. I have been told that relationships 
should be treated too.

When I have received your initial email, I felt strange. I did not 
understand it, I have seen no examples, and it seemed overly 
unprofessional, difficult to read. Also, it said that unless I protest, 
I am bound to something. I felt need to make this a topic of itself. I 
felt need to clarify that there are certain roles and relationships 
between people and that certain styles of communication are inappropriate.

So again, it is inappropriate that you assume passive approval. I 
completely disagree with this. Whenenever you do it again, I declare 
with this email ahead that I disagreee with any of your suggestions 
formulated in this way.

Best regards,

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