Animal prints are only an acceptable fashion statement when no one else
can see them. The Department said that NAR's policy prevents consumers
In an emergency, you can always turn things inside out.
I didn't know exactly when the call would come, and I couldn't risk
being unprepared at any moment. Three words: 'shirts and skins'.
Not exactly the forum I was shooting for. If the missus and I had done
any ugly-bumping that day, I'd have strapped the phone to the headboard
and kept a finger poised above the 'Talk' button. Not if sleeping on the
living room couch at night is any indication, anyway.
Just try explaining that to a cop giving you a field sobriety test.
District Court in San Jose, . Otherwise, you're likely to end up falling
on your face. The duck is sitting on a shelf in the living room, just
above the dog's eye level. I slept with the phone.
One of the worst things you can possibly do is fail to realize you have
There's nothing sexy about showing your ass in public.
Two days later, the dog'll shit the sunglasses, and we'll close the book
on this chapter of the dog's jackass obsessions. At best, I'd manage to
answer the phone, throw open the stall door with my pants around my
knees, and trip bare-assed and stammering onto the bathroom floor.
When we were lithe young warriors, the goal was to leap up to prove to
the opponent that we weren't hurt.
No friendly vibratory notification.
But here's a hint: it's not MIke Patterson. I don't know what the hell I
I don't know about you, but I don't like those odds.
Sadly, Mike has recently been incarcerated at Guantanamo Bay, where he
faces multiple charges of distributing treasonous information over the
phone to various as-yet-unknown co-conspirators. If there's anything
sticking up out of the back of your pants, expect people to stare and
point. Animal prints are only an acceptable fashion statement when no
one else can see them. And possibly not quite right in the head.
All the last word got me was grounded, with a cut allowance. I've never
met Mike Patterson, and know nothing about Mike Patterson, but if Mike
Patterson has given you this number to reach him, you're out of luck. If
you're particularly old, you could break an ankle, or even a hip.
Or slobber all over it and drop it in the toilet, whichever's
If you're particularly old, you could break an ankle, or even a hip.
Sometimes, the most effective solutions are plain, simple, and come in
packs of three.
The latest wave of fancy athletic shoes and equipment are not for
There's no Mike Patterson here.
And check out the posters on your way out! Though it's often less
'play', and more 'attempt to play'.
There'll be plenty of time for slipped discs and bare flabby chests when
we're relegated to our rocking chairs.